Today…
12 October
2009…
I was late wake up…
My mom wake me up and keep on scold me..
[Reason : cause I late wake up = =]Then.. I went to the school…
I go to canteen there..
Tze Ling was sitting there..
I also sit at there.. beside me was
Ci Jue..
So..
I just silent mode again… silent mode + no vibration…
When at physics lab..
I try to talk to
Andrea..
About.. what happen actually?
But…
I not dare to ask.. not dare to say any word to them..
A gap…
A mirror… between me and them…
It’s look like..
We don’t know each other..
A stranger..
I’m a stranger…
I sit at
Syazwan and
Acab place there…
Pretending studying..
Memorize lisan..
When
BM that time..
Go to
Bilik Media…
I keep on ask teacher about the final exam stuff…
When
Sej period..
Teacher say form group..
But then…
I just sit alone..
Teacher keep on ask I’m belong to which group..
But I never answer teacher…
Then
Ngaes say..
I’m belong to
Puvan’s group…
At last.. I also never do that work..
Cause
Puvan run away…
I just keep on take my book and keep on reading with different direction
At last…
I feel like I really unable to read…
And
SLEEP!Try to sleep…
Don’t know why la..
My tear keeps on drop…
When rehat…
I keep on think..
Want to talk or not leh?
I sit at outside the physics lab there…
Keep on thinking..
Think until..
My brain really wants
BOOM!
Then,
Afiq and the gang come..
He look at me..
I smile and say Hi to them…
Afiq : Hi.. =)
Meng Yee : Hi =)
Afiq : tengah tengok apa? Semut ke?
Meng Yee : bukan la.. tengok daun ni.. Nampak pelik tapi cute.. =)
Afiq want to go away.. and I stop him…
Meng Yee : boleh tak tolong saya buat sikit benda?
Afiq : apa dia?
Meng Yee : ikutkan hati.. YES or NO..
Afiq : kenapa?
Meng Yee : jawab la.. Yes or NO..
Afiq : YES…………….! [keep on screaming] = =Actually I want he help me do the decision…
He say
YES..
So.. I thought want to talk to them…
But.. it is hard to me to open my month…
I don’t even know how to start…
My mind keep on thinking..
Which is the best way for me to start?
Then at behind the lab…
The middle..
[Reason : too hot.. want some air]
Then..
I notice that.. they keep on look at me..
I don’t know what should I do..
So…
I don’t want to face them…
I just turn to another direction…
Here come
Ci Jue..
[Reason : she come for.. want know what I’m doing?]
She keep on do the sound..
* Buzzz….
Ci Jue : what you doing at here?
Meng Yee : hmm.. reading newspaper.. [pretending… and tear drop again]Ci Jue : the newspaper so old.. still read..Meng Yee : … [tear drop and I tahan for it.. she look at me]She keep on play that papan…
Zhe Min : Put it back that thing!She but back that papan…
Then..
I put my head on her shoulder…
Meng Yee : help me call Andrea come.. [voice quite slow down]Ci Jue : Ha?Meng Yee : call Andrea come here… and.. shhhh.. only her… just her…Ci Jue : Okay!Andrea come..
Andrea: Meng Yee?Meng Yee : can I know what happening actually?Andrea : actually like this… on Thursday… Tze Ling come late and cant see you.. then.. when bell rang.. your face look so beh song.. so.. we don’t want talk to you.. and.. that time u sit at Pik Ling there… so we didn’t talk with you…Meng Yee : ….. [actually I was thinking.. I’m not angry.. why they must say I’m angry? And.. the reason of she giving.. I cant accept it.. ]
Meng Yee : Why suddenly so many thing happen? [I really can’t accept so many thing in the same time… really make me heart attack… suddenly give me such a reason.. suddenly Mr. T got another future gf.. all are suddenly! And my tear keep on flowing… I cant stop it…]Suddenly…
All classmate say : Good Morning Teacher…
I was shocked…
I quickly take my handkerchief.. cover my face and walk back to my place…
Eye still red but tear stop..
I don’t know why.. my tear can start anytime.. any second.. and can even stop it immediately…
Maybe I’m getting good in controlling my tear… who know?
Actually.. I’m getting the feeling of.. out of the group…
4 – 1 = 3 + 3 = 6Everyone got
1 pair…
I’m extra one…
That’s why I always say… I’m easy to be replaced by anyone…
-------------------------- SKIP -----------------------------
Back to the story….
When physics…
Teacher was talking about the peka…
I quite concentrate on it…
They got their meeting…
But then..
I saw
Tze Ling eyes like starring on me…
I look at another direction…
After school…
They go back to class…
Put back all the book at the class there…
I thought want wait for them at
Anjung there…
So.. I keep on pretending…
Pretending talk to
Helmi about the cubes…
[this is not the main point.. main point is.. I was waiting them.. waiting they all come down and go tuition together…]Finally..
They come down…
And stand at foyer there…
Keep on talking..
Maybe they don’t know that I was at the
Anjung there or what..
I don’t know…
But.. I feel like they saw me…
I got that feel!
I’m so big.. standing at there… talking so loud…
For what?
To let them know that I was waiting..
But..
They really thought I’m
FULLY TRANSPARENT!
I start get fed up..
And.. just walk away..
Go to tuition…
Then…
I reach
Pudu there…
Buy a sandwich…
This sandwich is my breakfast and lunch…
[no mood eating anything]After eat sandwich…
I go to the counter place there…
[looking for Mr. Donald.. ask for help]
I wait him almost
1 hour…
He not yet appear…
I give up.. and went back to the class…
Keep on put the position like sleeping…
But.. is thinking.. and crying silently…
Every sound that had make by anyone…
I sure look behind..
[Reason : looking Andrea got go tuition or not.. scare got anything happen on her]
Every time I look behind..
I never see her…
Then I heard
Mr. Donald voice..
When he stand in front of me..
Meng Yee : Teacher.. I want to see you later…Mr. Donald : Ok.. problem?
Meng Yee : YES!This is the only way of knowing how to settle problem.. I guess…
Suddenly…
Mr. Donald : why you sit so behind? Later I have to scream until very loud.. come.. sit in front…
Andrea : I come late.. so I don’t want disturb your class [for me.. she is giving an excuse.. cause she don’t want to sit beside me]Mr. Donald : never mind.. come.. come sit at somewhere here… [he pointing the place near me..]
Andrea : *shift to another place but not near my area there…
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Donald : you and her fight?Meng Yee : *just angguk kepala…
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Every time he teaching..
I don’t know why la..
He keeps on look at me and
Andrea’s direction…
When he say to the student who sit at the back there…
I will keep on looking
[reason : look at Andrea like how I always look at Mr. T]
When finish class…
Teacher asks me to go in front there…
I already prepare want to say what…
Say all the thing…
Mr. Donald : what happen actually?
Meng Yee : bla bla bla…. [Short all the story.. just tell the main.. I mean this case not about the previous case]Mr. Donald : oo.. then.. why not try to be alone first?.. be yourself… don’t care so much… I will try to talk to them.. you already give them a chance for all the previous case… so.. just be alone first.. maybe it is good for you also.. try to be yourself ya…
Meng Yee : ok.. I will try my best…Pack my thing and go to bus stop…
Get in the bus and start thinking…
Why? Why? Why?
Why every time I always be the one who kena?
Why is me?
Isn’t this mean that… this year I totally bad luck?
Whole year I’m going to suffer all this?
This year like
“Sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga”Already hurt.. and the wound not yet recover…
Another knife to hurt me again…
God.. you really want like that play with me?
If I still like that let you play…
You better take my life…
For me..
This world really hopeless…
Everything had given to me.. and suddenly take all back..
And.. one also never leave for me…
God.. faster take my life away…
It going meaningless to stay at this world anymore…
God.. I’m waiting you to take my life…
[My Status : Moody, Sad, Tired]Special Corner:Thanks to
Vince.. always try to help me solve problem….
Thanks to
Mr. Donald.. cause give me an advise…
Thanks to
Jeremy.. cause every time you will be there for me when I need a person to talk with me..
[always borrow your ear to listen my problem]Thanks a lot!!!
♥our lips must always be sealed
9:42 PM
Mc Donald Ice-Cream
Monday, October 12, 2009